About

Parenthood


On Friday June 19, I was invited to attend a town hall meeting called by the President on the issue of fatherhood. This is one of the most important social issues that President Obama has made a priority and concern. He spoke about the importance of fatherhood and family with such sincerity and passion that it could be felt in his words and expressions. This was especially the case when he shared personal stories of his experience as a father, including the joy and happiness he felt with the births of this two daughters. President Obama discussed the First Lady's immense efforts at creating an atmosphere of love and care in their family. He also mentioned the correlation between the presence of the father in the home and its impact on the behavior of the children.

The meeting was comprised of many people who show their leadership and volunteer their time helping children and youth in the inner city and across but President Obama personalized the meeting by using his own life as an example; President Obama pointed out that the absence of a father does not mean that a child is doomed to failure. As an imam, I found the President's message to be very important particularly because Islam teaches that the family is the cornerstone of society. As President Obama's message was directed to parents, especially fathers, I would like to elaborate on the importance of parenthood and fatherhood in Islam.

Parenthood is a gift granted by God. In The Holy Qur'an, God discusses the joy that Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) felt because of the gift of his children. He thanked God, All praise is due to the Lord, who granted me in my old age, Ishmael and Isaac. The Quran also talks about Zacharia, when he asks God all Mighty for a child and the joy and excitement he felt upon being given a child. Therefore we are called to deal with fatherhood and parenthood, as President Obama explained in his speech, as a privilege rather than as an obligation. I would go further and add that this privilege can be successfully maintained by meeting our obligations as parents. A thriving model of fatherhood calls for the following:

  1. Treating the child's mother with kindness. The relationship of the husband with his wife is a reflection of his level of appreciation for their child, as she is the one that bore the difficulty of pregnancy and delivery. The man who abuses his wife, physically or verbally, does not appreciate the gift of children. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "The best among you are those that are best to their families.” And, in another narration, "The best among you is he who is best to his wife.” One must keep in mind that fatherhood begins at the time of conception, not birth.

  2. Providing an environment of love, protection, and compassion in the household. The Prophet Muhammad used to play with his children, and hug and kiss them. They climbed on his back while he prayed and, rather than express frustration, he maintained his position in prayer until they climbed off of him. I was moved by Vice President Joe Biden's comment when he said that the most important part of the father is love and that the father must try his best to provide love for his family.

  3. Establishing a model and example for his children. He does not ask them to do something that he does not do himself. God encourages us to teach and do what is right. If we do other than what we preach, we will be followed in our actions, and our words become irrelevant. "You order people to do what is righteous and you forget yourself although you recite the book. Do you not reflect? Do they not understand? Qur'an: Chapter 2 Verse 43

  4. Directing children to correct behavior by allowing them to join in activities with you. When offering a prayer, invite them to join you. Volunteer in service to help those in need and take your children with you. This is the example set by the Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) working with his son Ishmael, joining together to building the Ka'bah in Mecca.

  5. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) explained that our family has rights over us. He regularly spent time with his family, playing and joking.


    6. These are just some of the central themes surrounding fatherhood that are key in Islam. In the absence of a father, the responsibility to care for the children falls not only to the mother, but to society as well. When one considers that society can serve as an extended family and support system, the President's point is understood. It is because of society's role in the bringing up of the child that the absence of the father does not equal the child's being destined to fail. Society can help to provide children the nurturing, care, and love they need to reach their full potential. Islam's greatest example of this can be seen in the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) whose father died before his birth and whose mother died when he was just a child. Having to bear a heavy weight on his shoulders, the Prophet depended on the support of his extended family - his grandfather, his uncle, and his foster mother. Each of those people played a crucial role in nurturing him and giving him the love and support he needed.

    In The Holy Qur'an, God mentions Prophet Moses' mother, but makes no mention of his father. We are specifically told that his mother and other family members cared for him. God also mentions Mary's mother raising her but does not mention Mary's father. Instead, we are told of Zakaria's role in her life as a foster father - another example of society assisting in caring for the well being of another. We are reminded of each of these individuals' critical responsibilities in order to emphasize the importance of the role of the community to step in when a father is not in the picture. President Obama also talked about the role of the extended family in his own life. Today we have children who come from war zones, who arrive here as refugees from countries around the globe, who have never even seen their fathers. We host them in this land of the free but sometimes we do not provide the single mothers with the support that they need in a land that is new, a culture that is different, and a language that is foreign to them. They need a support system that allows them to integrate smoothly and that allows their children to benefit from time with their mothers at home. We American Muslims must coordinate with government agencies to take responsibility of Muslim refugees so that we can help single mothers be able to fulfill their responsibilities.

    Every child who comes into this world is a precious and important individual. He or she is a gift from God Almighty to their parents and to the world. Lives should be celebrated and needs should be met. I am pleased to see someone such as President Obama, in such a prominent position, taking a strong stand to correlate political leadership with moral leadership - a connection very much needed in our world today.

    -- Imam Mohamed Magid